The Mayo Project
by Ikezu
Summary: A random day in the lives of our favourite couple. Rated for language, suggestive themes, and naked mayo elfs. Might contain lemon in later chapters. REVISED: Spelling mistakes corrected.
1. Just another day

**DISCLAIMER: ****We do -cough- not -cough- own Mai HiME.**

Attention, this story is completely OOC and Crack. Don't like it, don't read it.

Now, onto the first chapter of the Mayo Project!

--

It was another one of those days, with Shizuru walking around Natsuki's apartment in red lingerie, and with Natsuki completely high on mayo. Shizuru loved this though, since Natsuki, when high, would become... rather perverted.

Shizuru checked the fridge. '_This is bad... No more mayo..._' She thought as she scanned it from top to bottom. "**NATSUKI!!**"

Natsuki was lying down on her couch, counting the mayo bottles she spent that day. She was over 100. "...What is it, Shizuru...?" She asked in a weak voice, completely wasted. When the red eyed woman entered the room, she sighed. Did Natsuki even consider getting out of that couch and _DE-TOX?!_

"I'm going to buy some more mayo, since there's none in the fridge..." Shizuru silently watched as Natsuki removed a small bag from under her couch, filled with a white/beige dust. '_Mayo pot, not again..._' She sighed again. "And don't Natsuki **DARE** to sniff anymore pot until I get back, ok?"

"Hai, Hai..." Natsuki reluctantly put her bag away, slightly rose from the couch and gazed at her friend, that was currently making her exit. "Hey, wait..."

"Ara, what is it, my Natsuki?"

"Are you going out in lingerie?" With this, she looked at what she was wearing. Then, a light bulb popped above her head.

"Ara, Natsuki is right! This wouldn't be a rather appropriate outfit, now would it?" Shizuru hid her smirk as she unclasped her bra, tossed it aside, and took off her panties.

"**SHIZURU!!**" Natsuki managed to shoot just before having to hold her nose and mouth to stop the incoming flow of blood and drool to pour out.

"What? I think this is much better, I feel more free!" Shizuru happily chanted, as she made her way out onto the streets and onto the mall.

--

She went and came back as gracefully as ever. She even smiled at the people that caused the current sea of blood that raced down the streets of Fuka. She also got chased, but she didn't really care. It was all for her dear Natsuki!

When she was about to knock the door, she stopped. '_This smell... Oh God, don't tell me..._' She was right. A massive mayo-pot like smell was emanating from inside of the building. At least there wasn't any smoke.

"**NATSUKI! OPEN UP!**" Shizuru yelled. She never usually yelled, but with this situation, the end was upon her.

"...Who is it...?" Came an annoyed and weak reply from the other side of the door.

"**IT'S SHIZURU, OPEN UP!**" She yelled again. Could Natsuki be any dumber?

"Shizuru's not here, man... But let me tell ya... Her ass... Oh man..." The voice answered, and Shizuru's eyebrow twitched. Natsuki **WAS **dumber than that.

"...Natsuki, this **IS** Shizuru, so **OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!**" She partially yelled again after a long sigh.

"If you're Shizuru, then... what's your name?"

"...**SHI-ZU-RU!**"

"Uh... Sorry, Shizuru's name is Shizuru, not Shi-zu-ru." Natsuki replied, completely unfazed. Shizuru sighed again. '_I hope this is rock-bottom for her..._' She then made up a rather stupid excuse to get in...

"...Ok, ok, you got me, I'll give you that. I'm not Shizuru, alright!" She took a deep breath before continuing. "I'm actually a happy little elf who came here to take you to the Mayo Land!" '_Damn, I've never sunk so low._'

"..." Natsuki suddenly popped out of her couch, raced to the door, quickly introduced herself and shoved the 'elf' in, with a rabid fangirl expression taking over her face. The 'elf' was getting slightly intoxicated with the massive mayo-pot smell currently present in the room. Her gaze lingered on Natsuki. The later was dressed in...

...Mayo jars?

"**NATSUKI?!** Is that you?" Shizuru reluctantly asked, while trying to not suffocate.

"...Who's there?" Natsuki looked for the source of the voice. Shizuru sighed _YET_ again.

"...The elf, remember?"

"**HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME!!**" Natsuki suddenly shouted right at Shizuru's ear. Miracle was, she wasn't deaf yet.

"...You just introduced yourself."

"Oh."

"So, are you ready to go to Mayo world?" She guessed she had to go along with the damn story, unless she wanted to be kicked out.

"I think I probably should wait for Shizuru..." Natsuki pondered.

"...Baka..." The other muttered.

"Did you say something?"

"No, no, of course not."

"Oh ok..." Natsuki's eyes then lingered at the elf's form. '_So beautiful..._' Her gaze then stopped at the other's rounded breasts. Then, she had a brilliant idea. "Hey, if I squeeze your boobs, does mayo come out?" She asked innocently.

Of course Shizuru's perverted mind was being swarmed with hentai thoughts.

"Uh... Yeah...?" She answered, wondering what Natsuki wanted to do to her. Little chance to think she had, since Natsuki immediately jumped on her, causing them to fall to the ground, and promptly licked and squeezed the 'elf's' breasts. Shizuru started to moan in pleasure, action that took something around 15 minutes, and everyone that passed around Natsuki's apartment immediately heard. '_mmm... mayo..._' After that while, Natsuki reluctantly got up, resting her eager tongue.

"Wow, that was **TRES BIEN!**" Shizuru exclaimed, wondering how she had been missing that sensation.

"Trais ben? Is that a new mayo?" Natsuki asked with puppy eyes, full of desire.

"...Uh... Yeah, so now shouldn't we get going to the mayo world?"

"What about Shizuru?" Said woman snapped slightly.

"**SHE'S ALREADY FUCKING THERE!!**" The 'elf' shouted. Natsuki got it all wrong though.

"**WHAT?!** She's **FUCKING?!** Without **ME?! LET'S GO BITCH!**" Natsuki exclaimed as she started to walk out the door. Shizuru grabbed a lamp from a bureau.

"Okay..." She then hit Natsuki with all her strength, making the victim pass out.

--

This fic will be purely made out of crack. Really. Just don't forget to review 'k? And as for next chapter...

It's done!

REVISED: Corrected a few spelling and grammar mistakes.


	2. Onto the Mayo world!

**DISCLAIMER: ****We do NOT own Mai HiME. Unfortunately.**

Here's the second chapter. The next one might come a little later than expected, since we're working in other stories.

Now, onto the madness!

--

"Ouch, my head..." Natsuki grumbled as she opened her eyes. She looked around... "Is this a cloud of mayo?!" She was amazed. But then, her nose caught a very, very strong unpleasant scent... "**EWWWWWWW!!**" She noticed she was not lying in top of a cloud of mayo – in fact it was a basket full of...

...dirty diapers.

"Mmm? Is that a Johnson's?!" Natsuki had this weak spot for soft stuff, and rubbed the diaper all over her face. "mmm... soooooooooft..." Unknown to her, Shizuru was standing right next to her.

"Ara, why is Natsuki rubbing a crapped diaper in her face?" The older teen asked. Natsuki jumped in surprise.

"Mou, elf, you scared me..." She put down the diaper slightly, so all you could see was Natsuki's... 'dark' forehead and her emerald eyes. "Because yes." She put the diaper in the basket and jumped out of it, and Shizuru felt like slightly throwing up when she smelled Natsuki... "So, let's go and find that bitch Shizura!"

"...It's Shizuru." The slightly annoyed older woman corrected.

"Yeah, that." Natsuki shrugged. Shizuru was rather upset though.

"...Why did you call her a bitch though?"

"...Simple. Because she was fucking without me." Natsuki answered in a deadpan voice.

"Ara, kawaii!" She exclaimed.

"Yeah, whatever. Anyways, let's go find her. How do we find her though?" Natsuki said, as she had a stupid thinking expression plastered in her face. The 'elf' sighed.

"Ara, Natsuki doesn't need to worry! I'll go find her, Natsuki please stay here, ok?"

"Ok, sure, whatever."

"Ok, be **SURE** to **NOT** do anything else until I get here again 'k?" With that, the 'elf' ran off. Natsuki took her chance to get to know better her surroundings. After a while, she spots something...

"Hey, isn't that Shizuru? **NAKED?!**" Natsuki obviously didn't notice the small drool that was dripping out of her mouth. '_mmm__... Shizuru naked...'_ A dog was strolling by in the meanwhile, and he had no absolute idea of the horrors said dog was about to go through.

"**HEY SHIZURU!**" She called the teen, looking directly at the dog. The fluffy creature kept strolling by as nothing was happening. "**SHIZURU! I'M TALKING TO YOU!**" The cobalt haired biker called again. The dog slowly turned its head towards Natsuki with and adorable expression.

"Arf?" It barked.

"Why did you come here to **FUCK WITHOUT ME?! YOU BITCH! I WAIT FOR YOU AND YOU DO THIS TO ME?! YOU SUCK, I LOVE YA BITCH AND NOW WE'RE GONNA FUCK!!**" Natsuki, obviously completely wasted, charged at the dog.

"Woof?" The animal started to run away from that rabid woman.

"**COME HERE!**" Of course the dog's attempt at escape was futile.

A large howl was echoed throughout the mall.

--

"Shizuru... mmm... You never licked me **THERE** before... More... ahhhh..." Natsuki was moaning in pleasure as 'Shizuru' licked her here and there. "...When did you learn to do **THAT** with your tail?"

All around the free show, people started to gather and they were amazed, as this was the show of their pitiful, miserable lives. The unique event occurring in the mall at that moment would make both humans and dogs be turned on. After a bit, the real Shizuru returned and gawked at the scene before her eyes. Natsuki, **HER** Natsuki was making out with a...

"**DOG?! NATSUKI!! YOU NEVER LET ME PUT ****MY**** TONGUE THERE!!**" Shizuru suddenly realised she had a massive outburst in front of a hell load of people. "...I mean, **EW!**"

The mayo addict was distracted from her current actions as she heard a certain voice. "Hey there, Elf! Wanna join us?" Shizuru was perplexed.

"Oh, I... uh..." She had no time to answer as Natsuki pulled her to join them mercilessly. Shizuru was glad the dog had licked Natsuki's face clean though. She quickly got double teamed by both Natsuki and the dog, and couldn't contain the moans that were struggling to come out of her mouth. "Natsuki... I... ahhhh..." Shizuru regained control of her senses, and looked at the dog. The beautiful dog. The innocent dog...

'_...Innocent my ass.'_

The dog was seen flying out of the threesome, and it started shaking like a Chihuahua when it landed. Fortunately for Shizuru, Natsuki was too damn wasted to either notice or to give a damn about it. "mmm... Natsuki..."

"mmm... Mayo elf..." When the crowd heard the word 'Mayo', they raced to any store that could sell it. After a while, the crowd returned and started to splatter mayo all over the two. Needless to say, Natsuki started to lick Shizuru big time. Then the wasted girl stopped briefly her licking to exclaim: "**MAYO LAND IS GREAT!! I NEVER WANNA LEAVE AGAIN!!**" Then it hit the 'elf'.

"Uhh... Natsuki...?" She called, causing Natsuki to stop and lock her emerald eyes with the crimson pair. "We gotta go!"

"Aw damn it!" Natsuki proceeded to get off of Shizuru (much to both's displeasure) and sighed. "Let's go, Shizuru!" No answer. "Shizuru? **SHIZURU!! FUCK, SHE RAN OFF!**" More like jumped off. Natsuki ran off as well, looking for Shizuru's dog version.

"**WAIT NATSUKI!!**" Shizuru went after her, careful to not slip in mayo.

--

A bit shorter than the last one, we promise that it will get better though. Don't forget to review 'k? Till next time everyone!


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